is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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