I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
