Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
