Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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