i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
