I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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