STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
