Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
