There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You ate ashes out of my bong
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
