you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
