come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
