Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
