At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Who died my cat blue again?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
