i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
