Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
