You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
