got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize