Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
