Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
