Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
