Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
