I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
