Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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