remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
