No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
