laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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