just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
COCAINE IS GR8
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
we should paint friendship bongs
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