last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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