I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
