so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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