I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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