just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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