is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
