Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize