i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
