she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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