sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
