dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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