Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
