glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
