we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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