I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Randomize
