I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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