Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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