I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We don't watch enough power rangers
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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