why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
