I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
