I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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