Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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