i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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