Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
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