All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I want her autograph on my taint
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize