My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
