So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
