it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize