he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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