i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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