Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
