I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
