Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
