Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i think my cat just said my name.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
