The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
