You're so nebulous sometimes
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
