I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
