ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
