Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
