mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize