I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
handjob tips. give me some.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize