how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
