battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
