really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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