All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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