Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize