it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
