apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
