I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
